Tag Archives: children

No room for us

How Having Children Changes a Marriage, a Happy Wife’s Perspective

One morning you look over and notice there are no tiny bodies between yourself and your husband, so you move closer to him and see gray hairs above his ears. And when did those tiny lines next to his eyes appear? Maybe you feel a little guilty that you haven’t noticed. There was a time when you spent hours staring at your husband and tracing every line on his face.

That was before you had children.  

Now you probably know who is performing on Yo Gabba Gabba, but probably not SNL. You’re more likely to have recently discussed your distaste for the parenting skills on Caillou with your husband then the state of affairs in Russian-American politics.  It’s common knowledge you and your husband have probably arranged your schedules so that someone is always available to care for the children but haven’t made time to be intentionally together.

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Sometime between then and now, pre-child and post-child, your relationship has changed, or perhaps it is better said that you each have changed and you fit together in different ways.

There are so many things you have given up- girl’s nights, romantic weekend trips, dinner not served at 5pm, sleeping in past 7am. You’ve also given up being the center of your husband’s world. He’s done the same.

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You don’t have to ask yourself “is it worth it?” You know it certainly is.

You need only look at those little faces, a snapshot into the past, a time when your husband was young and you didn’t know he existed.  

My three children are tow headed like my husband was. One even has his bendy ear. Also, like my husband, they cannot wake up in the morning. The good news is they also share his sense of adventure and will try anything. Going someplace new is exponentially fun with my little family (once we get up).

The moment our first child was born, we each gained a new identity, me as mother, and my husband as father. The list of “things to do” for these titles are considerably more substantial than the titles of “wife” and “husband.” I got to meet my husband all over again. In the delivery room while my firstborn took his first breath I was introduced to the father of my children, a man with a responsibility to provide for his family, a man who needs to be a role model for his young children.

So times are different. There are things you can’t do right now. There are new sources of excitement; most important is watching your children grow into amazing people.

Children change a marriage, and isn’t it great?

 

She dresses herself with a style all her own

7 Things You Should Learn From Children

  1. Ask for help- I thought of this at the pool while I heard my daughter ask a random mom to open her juice for her. The lady was happy to help. We all try so hard to show how strong and independent we are, but we can all use a little help too. It feels good to help others so why not ask for help.
  2. You need to say sorry- The pain goes away, the toy gets returned, but the matter is not settled until the solemn words are spoken. It is important to say sorry when making amends, even for grownups. Saying “I’m sorry” is not just assuming liability, but showing considerations of another’s feelings.
  3. It is okay to not share- The kids have a rule in our house: special toys can be left in their bedrooms and not shared with siblings and friends. It is okay to have boundaries.  This should apply to grownups too with family time. The blackberry gets left in the car during soccer games…I am not sharing this special moment.
  4. Do things that scare you- The higher the slide, the more fun at the landing. For grownups this might be starting a new job, joining a new club, or enrolling in a class. The scarier it is the bigger the reward.
  5. Don’t worry about what you look like just be you- Sometimes I cringe at the outfits my daughter picks out. She has such nice clothes but she likes to wear the wackiest outfits. This is how she is most comfortable. Embrace who you are and work it.
  6. Use that time out to think about what went wrong- We ask our kids to sit quietly and think about whatever misconduct led to the time out. Then we ask them what they could have done differently. Grownups should also take time to reflect when things went wrong and decide how they will react when the opportunity presents again.
  7. Love with all your heart- Children love their families, their friends, their toys, the shiny random objects they find in the parking lot…They love with all their hearts and it makes them happy. Don’t be afraid grownups to do the same. There is always more love, you can never use it up.
dining out

How Devices Saved Dining Out

Hey older generation, I know what you are thinking when you see my kids staring at a device, but you’re wrong. If you knew, you’d probably be jealous.

I was thinking about this tonight at a grown up dinner party in a crowded restaurant. The boys were playing 3DS and the girls were watching a movie on my iPhone. Dinner was no where in sight but we were all have a great time catching up on family news. I knew there were probably people in the restaurant judging me for giving the kids “devices” rather than engaging them. Here is the thing… without devices I probably would not have dared to take my crew out to eat. They can only do so many tic tac toe games after all. The toys and puzzles we bring are always more interesting once they are in their sibling’s hands. The alternative is to leave them home with a sitter, where they’d probably watch tv anyway. Because of devices I was able to take them with me.  They were out in the world and believe me, interacting with new people and experiencing new things. 

The other thing you might not know is what the kids are watching or playing is pretty cool. They tap bubbles that add up to a certain number, or stack blocks to form a sight word. They aren’t playing that “grand theft auto” game you’ve read about.

Another thing I’d like to point out to the older generation is that I spend a tremendous amount of time interacting with my children. Thanks to the invention of the dishwasher and microwave I can spend more time in the living room playing princess and pirates. I even have a little robot that vacuums the floors, which is a good thing because the floors are often covered with glitter and sequins from our art projects or sand from our visit to the neighborhood beach.

So when the family goes out together for a meal, I can enjoy the evening as an opportunity to take a break from everything and I can savor decadent food, try a new drink, make googly eyes at my husband, and relax in the silence coming from the kids side of the booth. So keep judging older generation. I’ll keep my devices charged up for when we dine out.