Tag Archives: love

No room for us

How Having Children Changes a Marriage, a Happy Wife’s Perspective

One morning you look over and notice there are no tiny bodies between yourself and your husband, so you move closer to him and see gray hairs above his ears. And when did those tiny lines next to his eyes appear? Maybe you feel a little guilty that you haven’t noticed. There was a time when you spent hours staring at your husband and tracing every line on his face.

That was before you had children.  

Now you probably know who is performing on Yo Gabba Gabba, but probably not SNL. You’re more likely to have recently discussed your distaste for the parenting skills on Caillou with your husband then the state of affairs in Russian-American politics.  It’s common knowledge you and your husband have probably arranged your schedules so that someone is always available to care for the children but haven’t made time to be intentionally together.

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Sometime between then and now, pre-child and post-child, your relationship has changed, or perhaps it is better said that you each have changed and you fit together in different ways.

There are so many things you have given up- girl’s nights, romantic weekend trips, dinner not served at 5pm, sleeping in past 7am. You’ve also given up being the center of your husband’s world. He’s done the same.

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You don’t have to ask yourself “is it worth it?” You know it certainly is.

You need only look at those little faces, a snapshot into the past, a time when your husband was young and you didn’t know he existed.  

My three children are tow headed like my husband was. One even has his bendy ear. Also, like my husband, they cannot wake up in the morning. The good news is they also share his sense of adventure and will try anything. Going someplace new is exponentially fun with my little family (once we get up).

The moment our first child was born, we each gained a new identity, me as mother, and my husband as father. The list of “things to do” for these titles are considerably more substantial than the titles of “wife” and “husband.” I got to meet my husband all over again. In the delivery room while my firstborn took his first breath I was introduced to the father of my children, a man with a responsibility to provide for his family, a man who needs to be a role model for his young children.

So times are different. There are things you can’t do right now. There are new sources of excitement; most important is watching your children grow into amazing people.

Children change a marriage, and isn’t it great?